Stuff Kids’ Pastors Like #5: “Playing 4 Corners to Stall When the Senior Pastor Goes Over”

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Any Kids’ Pastor worth their weight in goldfish crackers has been there. It’s the end of service. Kids and volunteers are ready for pick-up. Everything’s good to go until you look at the clock and realize the senior pastor is going to go over. Panic suddenly begins to set it.

In my current role I’m not as hands-on as I used to be, but when I was the guy on stage here’s the thought process I would go through:

1. OK, looks like _____________ is going into extra innings. Here we go.

2. Let’s send a volunteer to find out what point he’s on like Noah sent doves out after the flood until there was dry land.

3. What?! He’s on point 5 of 17? You have GOT to be kidding me.

4. OK, OK, calm down Jeff. Calm down. Let’s just think this through. You went to Bible College for crying out loud. There must have been a class or something you can pull from. Think it through.

5. I never had a class about “Keeping Children From Staging a Coup Against You When Your Senior Pastor Goes Over on His Sermon.” Maybe I missed it that semester I took bowling.

6. If I ever became a Bible College Professor this is the course I would want to teach.

7. Does thinking that make me the shallowest Children’s Pastor on the planet?

8. Focus Jeff. Focus. Everyone’s looking to you for a brilliant, spontaneous, and perfectly timed idea that will not only keep the kids occupied but somehow tie into the lesson in a relevant and meaningful way. What can we do with zero prep that will accomplish all of these things.

9. Four Corners. Brilliant! Let’s do this thang.

10. So far so good. My money’s on corner #3.

11. Is it wrong to bet on the outcome of a Sunday School game? It should be OK so long as I tithe off of my winnings.

12. Nevermind that now. Time to send another volunteer to check on service.

13. Please let this one come back with parents like that one dove brought Noah back an olive leaf after he sent it out to find dry land, but not like the one that ditched him and never came back because it was finally free.

14. Five more minutes for a spontaneous altar call? Seriously?!

15. I shouldn’t be mad about that. This is a good thing. This is a good thing.

16. God please don’t revoke my pastor card because I got mad about an altar call, OK?

17. Finally, here come the parents. Woo Hoo!!! I am so going to take a nap on the couch in the middle of the day, grandpa style, the second I get home.

18. Would anyone recognize my handwriting if I filled out an anonymous comment card suggesting that they make any speaker who goes over do a physical challenge on stage from the old Double Dare show on Nickelodeon?

19. I really need to have a back-up plan next time.

20. This should be a Stuff Kids Pastors Like post.

How about you?

What goes through your mind when your pastor goes over?

What stall tactics do you use to keep kids from staging a coup?

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