Last month we threw a Christmas Party for the Volunteers in our Children’s Ministry. These are great people who serve all year long mentoring kids in our community. They work hard and do what they do on top of their jobs, families, and other commitments.

We were going to meet up at the church and bus everyone down to Alto Loma, which is about 40 minutes from where we’re at in Victorville. Alto Loma has a few neighborhoods with Main Street Electrical Parade style Christmas lights covering the landscape. It’s like stepping into another dimension. The people who live there spend half the year getting ready for Christmas.

Our staff was excited to take out volunteers and their families to experience this. We put together a great event, filled with games and prizes to give away on the bus ride down, snacks and drinks while they toured the sights, and a few short Christmas movies to watch on the ride back. Everything we wanted to do was coming together, except for one thing.

It was scheduled to rain, with a chance of snow, all day Monday when we were planning to go down the pass to Alto Loma.

We had charter buses already chartered. We had games, prizes, and refreshments ready to go for hundreds of people. The linchpin to our plan, visiting Alto Loma, now stood a really good chance of falling through.

When I saw the weather report Saturday morning I started making calls to my staff immediately. We still wanted to do something for our volunteers but how in the world were we supposed to throw something together so soon? We already had weekend services to get ready for leaving only a couple of hours on Monday to really work on it. So we made a bold decision.

We told our volunteers, who were also worried about the weather report, that we would still have something for them and their families at the church on Monday, rain, shine or snow, even though we had no idea what it would be.

We met Monday morning and started working on Plan B. By the end of our meeting I think we ended up with Plan G.

We decided to have everyone meet in the chapel. We set up all of our food and drinks there, along with a few last-minute Christmas decorations (thankfully it was already pretty decorated for Christmas as it was, so we didn’t have a lot to do there). Everyone had some time to mingle and hang out with some Christmas music playing in the background. Then we loaded everyone up on our buses (did I mention that our deposit was non-refundable?) and, instead of going down to Alto Loma, we simply bused around our local community and enjoyed some of the lights there.

We did some of our bus games and gave away some cool prizes along the way. The lights around our area weren’t half as good as the ones we would have seen in Alto Loma, but some of them were pretty cool. When we got back to church we watched “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and called it a night. Even thought things didn’t go the way we wanted them to, everyone still seemed to have a good time.

This little snafu was a great reminder to me of two assets that everything in our lives need:

1. Planning
Our staff had a great plan in place. We used this planning form that has taken me years to perfect. It’s got spots for pretty much everything you’ll need to think through for an event. It even has a spot to help you think through what to do if it gets rained out which, ironically, I overlooked. But sometimes a good plan, no matter how good it is, is not enough. Every good plan needs…

2. Flexibility
I hadn’t planned on rain. That’s a detail I definitely should have thought more about with our outdoor winter event. No question there. Truth be told, though, no matter how well you plan for something there’s always something else that will happen, requiring some kind of change in what you want to do. Always. It seems to be an immutable law of life that none of us can ever fully escape.

And that’s OK. As hard as it was for us going through it, we still had fun and came out of it better on the other side. It wasn’t easy, but great things in life never are.

As you think about what you have going on in your life right now, it’s always good to go into it with a plan. It would be irresponsible not to. But leave some space for something to go wrong, because it probably will.

Being willing to flex when life happens to your plans will help you relax and have more fun during the process.

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1. Kids’ Ministry Budgeting Templates & Tips
2. The Secret to Powerful Communication
3. How I Lost 60 lbs, Pt 1
4. Why You Need to Say “No” More Often
5. Free Kidmin Volunteer Orientation Kit
6. REVIEW: “Read and Share Bible”
7. 5 DOs and DONTs of Teaching Kids
8. Why Your Volunteers are Miserable (and what to do about it)
9. The Mistake Every Kidmin Makes
10. How to Write Emails that Your Team Will Actually Read

What were some of your best posts last year?

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I loved becoming a dad for the very first time.

I learned how to lose over 60 lbs and keep it off without starving myself, spending lots of money, or having to step foot in a gym.

I loved being able to buy a great house at a very low price.

I learned there is more paper involved in buying a house and adopting a baby than in 1 complete volume of Encyclopedia Britannica.

I learned that bacon-flavored jelly beans taste about as revolting as they sound.

I loved cancelling our cable and switching to Netflix and Hulu Plus. Not only has it saved us a ton of money but we pretty much get to watch whatever we want, whenever we want.

I loved seeing 28 kids come to Christ this year at High Desert Church and dozens more get baptized.

I learned you can complain about the obesity problem in America all you want but it isn’t going to stop iHop from offering unlimited pancakes for $4.99 or people from making cookies within cookies.

I learned the down economy has had little effect on the vast array of tasteless and unneccessary products infomercials will make available to the public, like this, this, this, this, and this.

I loved seeing kids come up with crazy stuff like…

• The 10-year-old who told me his whale made of Legos was meant to represent man’s eternal struggle with nature. Art like that is always lost on me.
• The 4-year-old who said: “If you ever find a green Chicken McNugget, throw it away. Don’t eat it.”
• This 7-year-old: ”After I was bit I got a shot in the butt and the doctor didn’t even give me a cool band-aide.”
• This 3-year-old girl: “Nobody wants me to take off my shoes because of my stinky feet”

I loved seeing a guy get baptized in his street clothes because he forgot a bathing suit and towel. It was both funny and inspiring at the same time.

I loved having uncrustable sandwiches for lunch. Why aren’t more sandwich companies doing this?

I loved the weird conversations my wife and I have:

Sarah: My Bible doesn’t work anymore.
Me: You mean the app on your phone?
Sarah: Yeah.
Me: Might want to clarify that next time.

Sarah: What’s that?
Me: Miami Vice.
Her: Never heard of it.
Me: It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore.

Me: I’m taking a chance with this expired milk.
Sarah: I took a chance on you and it turned out OK.
Me: Yeah…not the same thing.

Me: Whatcha reading?
Sarah: Baby Poop: A visual guide.
Me: Oh…
Sarah: Not what you think. It’s a slideshow.
Me: That doesn’t make it OK.

I learned I can not let those who know me least define me the post.

I loved having a Subway with a drive-thru less than 5 minutes away from my house.

I loved this quote from a dad in my adoption class: ”Nature may determine the cards you’re dealt, but nurture is how you play the game.”

I loved getting (and using) my very first BBQ – for free!

I learned God gives people influence for one reason: to speak up for those who don’t.

What about you?

What did you learn/love in 2011?

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Last week I talked about the biggest catalyst that helped me lose over 60lbs this year: the right motivation. I’ve struggled most of my life with weight. It wasn’t until I got to the root of those issues and framed losing weight in a larger context than just a goal to meet that I was actually able to lose the weight I wanted and keep it off.

Today I’d like to share what I did to lose the weight once I decided on what story I wanted to tell:

1. I started counting my calories.
Like most people, my problem was that I was eating too much food. So my first step was to figure out what my ideal weight was and how many calories I need to eat per day to get there. I used LiveStrong.org to help me out with this. I told the website my height, build, current weight, etc. and where I wanted to go and it told me how many calories I need to cut back to get there. The first part of this step was simple, easy, and free.

Once I got clarity about this I was able to track my calorie intake each day with the Live Strong app for my iPhone. The app is pretty cheap and easy to use. It has most foods and restaurant menus already in it, so there wasn’t a lot of manual data entry I needed to do here. I would just type in what I ate during the day and it told me how many calories it would cost me.

This was a HUGE eye-opener for me. I quickly realized I was eating over twice the recommended amount of calories I was supposed to on a daily basis. Seeing this visual really helped me make better choices for meals and snacks each day. At first it was really hard, but after a while my body acclimated to having a healthy amount of calories each day. Now I don’t have to think about it so much, but I still track my food every day so I don’t fall back into those old habits.

2. I drank 64 oz of water every day.
While I was having twice the amount of food I was supposed to have, I discovered I was drinking less than half the amount of water my body needed to stay hydrated. So I started carrying around a water bottle with me everywhere I went. I measure out that I would need to drink three full bottles worth every day to give my body the water it needed. The downside of drinking this much water is that I had to go to the bathroom much more frequently. A LOT more frequently. The upside was I started having more energy, I wasn’t as hungry throughout the day, and I was getting a bit more exercise (because of all the trips to the bathroom).

3. I began exercising every other day.
A good friend of mine turned me on to using burst training for my every other day work out. Basically, burst training is a 10 minutes a day, every other day, high-intense workout. It’s tough to do, but it only takes 10 minutes, three or four times a week. You can do this in a gym, on a track, or at home on a treadmill or running around your neighborhood. I did this at home, just running in place in my living room. Here’s the video I watched to help me get started:

4. I evaluated my progress on a daily and weekly basis.
Like I said in #1 I tracked my calories and water intake every day. After each burst training session I weigh in and recorded my progress on the Live Strong app. This helps me see what progress I am making and if I needed to work harder or simply continue at the pace I’m going at.

5. I didn’t go it alone.
The biggest mistake I made in the past while trying to lose weight was doing it on my own. I think some people can do that just fine, but I’m not one of them. My wife and I decided to work this plan together. We’re doing the same exercises, using the same app, and are committed to drinking the same amount of water and tracking our calorie intake every day. She has been the biggest factor in my weight-loss success (she has lost over 35lbs). I couldn’t have done it alone.

The secret I’ve found to losing weight is having the right motivation and coming up with a plan that will help you eat a healthy amount of the right foods, stay hydrated throughout the day, and give your body a good workout a few times a week. However you decide to do it, these are the crucial ingredients that will help anyone get in the right shape.

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To give you an idea of where I was at and where I am now, because that’s always fun to do with stories like this, here’s a before and after shot of me:

A lot of people have asked me how I finally did it. I say “finally” because I’ve spent most of my life trying to be not fat. I’ve always wrestled with a weight problem, stemming from working too much, eating too much of the wrong foods, and rarely exercising. I was always the fat kid in class. But not anymore.

“So what’s your secret?” people ask.

When they say that what they really want to know is what dieting techniques I used. But that’s not start when wanting to lose weight.

I’ve spent years, decades really, wanting to be thinner, to be in better shape. I wanted to eat better. I wanted to want to exercise. I wanted to say no to the wrong kinds of foods. But wanting never got me, or anyone else for that matter, anywhere.

The BIG secret to how I lost 60lbs happened about a year ago. I was at some clothing store (probably Kohl’s, but I’m not sure). I went to try on a shirt that I really wanted and, as the story of my life went, it didn’t fit.

I went to ask one of the store workers who happened to be walking by if they had any shirts like the one I wanted in a bigger size. He look at the tag in the shirt, he looked at me, paused for a minute and then said:

“We don’t carry sizes that big, sir. You’ll have to go to a Big and Tall store for that.”

He handed me back the shirt, turned, and continued on his way, not realizing that he had just taken a sledgehammer to my world and shattered it until it was a fine powder.

I was visibly shaken and taken aback. “The Big and Tall Store?” I said a loud to nobody and everybody.

For me that had always been the line. Up until that point I had always been the largest size at Kohl’s. That wasn’t great, but it was better than having to go to the Big and Tall store, which, you may have deduced, was not because I was tall. The Big and Tall store was always the line for me, the line I swore I would never cross. But that day I was at the threshold.

It was then I realized I was at the proverbial fork in the road. I could keep going the way I was going, doing what I always did when I got depressed or discourage about my weight, which would be to down a couple of bowls of ice cream (extra fudge) with a side of Coca Cola. Or I could do something different, something better. I could change my trajectory. And that’s what I did.

I decided I was done being fat. I was done being a size 42 waste that wears a XXL shirt (Now I’m a size 36 that wears a Large). I was done being ashamed to look in the mirror and be in pictures. I was done making excuses.

I also had a future to plan for. Not just for my wife, as important to and me as she is, but for our daughter. When I had this epiphany a big piece of it was realizing that I was in no shape to be a dad. My energy level was dangerously low, I couldn’t really run, and I had frequent bouts of heartburn and sleep apnea.

I was getting ready to be a dad and it was time to get my act together. I didn’t want my daughter to be ashamed of her dad or disappointed because I wouldn’t have the energy to play with her. That was not the story I wanted to tell.

And that’s been my secret to losing over 6olbs in less than a year: The right motivation.

I realized I was telling myself a bad story. I realized I was telling myself that I had always been a fat kid and so I always would be. I was telling myself I needed food to make me feel better. I was telling myself that losing this much weight was something only people on TV with million dollar trainers and all of America watching could do.

I was involved in cycle of pain and self-loathing that was keeping me trapped in a body and a life that I didn’t want or need anymore.

That trip to the store probably saved my life. If that salesmen hadn’t showed me where the road I was on was going I would still be headed that way, like a man driving in the middle of a snowstorm at night without any headlights.

But now I’ve got a new direction to walk in. And it’s not just for me. Every day I make healthy choices is a day I say yes to my daughter. I am saying, “I value your love and our life together, a life filled with running and playing and dancing and enjoying life together more than I value food. My health is more than just my health. It is part of the story of your childhood and it will affect how you look at food and your image of self. And I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it’s a good one.”

Next week I’ll talk more about the techniques I used to lose the weight. And it’s not as hard as you might think. I didn’t spend hundreds of dollars, or starve myself, or even set foot in a gym. But more about that next week.

If you are feeling good about your weight, that is awesome. Whatever you are doing you should probably keep it up. Never take it for granted. It doesn’t take much to gain weight, but it takes forever to lose it!

If you are like I was, not feeling too great about your body, I get where you’re coming from. I don’t have six-pack abs. I don’t even think you really should make that your goal. Living from a place of health, of being able to run and walk and dance and enjoy life. And maybe most important, being proud of who you see in the mirror.

All of that starts with finding the right motivation. More than a goal, it’s your new story; the life that you’ve decided you’re tired of waiting to live.

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“Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.” – Proverbs 20:30 (GNT)

The biggest mistake parents make is so much easier to see in other parents than in ourselves.

A few weeks ago I had a meeting with a mom and her kids. We were talking about baptism and whether or not they were ready to get baptized. At the end of our talk I asked the kids if it would be OK for me to talk to their mom outside for a minute.

We stepped out of my office and I told mom that, based on our conversation, I thought it would be a good for us to wait to have her kids get baptized until they were ready. I explained that by ready I meant that they understood what baptism is and they wanted to do it, that it wasn’t something she or I forced on them, but that it becomes something they get and chose to do on their own.

Their mom agreed, but then said this:

“I know that’s the right thing to do, but I don’t want to do it because telling them no will hurt their feelings.”

And that’s the biggest mistake I see a lot of parents make: not wanting to hurt their child’s feelings.

I’ve been in Children’s Ministry, working with parents for fifteen years. I’ve heard parents say this hundreds of times. And this kind of statement is always followed up by something like:

“Because I just love my kids so much,”

Or

“When you’re a parent, you’ll understand.”

Now that I am a parent I do understand. As a dad of course I don’t enjoy when my daughter hurts. No good parent does.

But there’s a false assumption we parents have about pain: that it is always a bad thing, when it fact it can be a good thing. Pain is more than a reminder we are still alive, that we have not grown numb to the world and to life and being a live. Pain is an indicator something isn’t right. It is a road sign along the path we are traveling that says, “Something is wrong up ahead. Don’t go this way. It’s not good for you.” And we must learn to listen to pain because it is good.

My daughter is three weeks old. Before I put her to bed I change her out of her clothes into her pajamas. I do this every night. And every night she cries and screams until I’m done. Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. Even babies get change is hard. But it’s for her own good.

As parents we need to get comfortable with our kids being uncomfortable sometimes.

What is best for my daughter is not always what is going to make her happy. She probably wouldn’t mind staying in the same outfit forever. But as the day goes on it slowly gets formula and pee stains on it. When that happens, it’s time to change. The pain associated from moving her around makes her uncomfortable for a short time, but once she has clean clothes on and a fresh binky in her mouth the pain is gone. What was wrong has been made right.

Choosing a child’s comfort over their character is never a good idea. It’s selfish not to do what you know is right because your child won’t like it. That’s how babies turn into spoiled children. That’s how spoiled children turn into entitled teenagers. And, if you’re not careful, that’s how entitled teenagers become jerks as an adult.

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As many of you know my wife and I are in the adoption process and were recently placed with a beautiful newborn baby girl. We’re a whole two weeks into parenting and absolutely loving it.

As I ponder this new milestone in our lives I began to wonder how to sum up everything I’ve learned and felt over the last two weeks:

Should I make a collage in my dream journal?
Maybe, but I would have to have a dream journal in order to do that. Since I am neither 13yrs old nor a girl, that seems pretty unlikely.

What about writing a song?
Definitely do-able. I spent a semester abroad studying music at the New England Conservatory and this would be a great way to put that experience to practical use. The only problem is Sarah would never allow me to play my kazoo out in public or in private at home. Or even think about it in my head.

Do I boil all of my parenting wisdom down to a cheap, David Letterman-esque, Top Ten list?
Yes, that is it. That’s the answer.

So, for the dozens of you who tune in to read my blog, here are my Top 10 thoughts on parenting from a two-week old dad:

1. Are baby bouncers supposed to soothe a baby to sleep by making a ratcheting sound that pounds into your skull and haunts your waking dreams? If so, than ours is working perfectly. Right now it sounds like a descent of woodpeckers laying siege to that tree the Keebler Elves make all their cookies in.

2. A part of me was a little worried I might not love Angela as much as a biologically child. I was dead wrong. I love her more than anything else in the world. I could not love anyone or anything more than I love my baby girl!

3. When wrapped correctly in a swaddling blanket (“swaddling blanket” being a nice way of saying “baby straight jacket”) infants resemble a human Chipotle burrito.

4. I promised myself I would not be that dad who takes pictures of his kid every time they make the slightest movement (even when it’s to release their bowels). I was wrong about that too. I’ve already maxed out the space on my iPhone. iCloud came just in the nick of time. Thanks Apple!

5. I’m not sure if this is characteristic of most newborns, but Angela has old lady hands. Seriously, it’s like she has the hands of a slightly less-ancient Betty White. Hopefully she will grow into her skin.

6. The first day back to work was hard. I consistently like what I get to do for a living, but it was tough to focus with my two girls at home. It doesn’t help when my wife texts me every 5 minutes with another moment from my daughter’s life I missed. Makes me treasure the ones I’m there for all the more.

7. I’ve come to the realization my parents love my daughter more than they love me. This is difficult. I will mourn the loss of their affection and the surplus of Christmas gifts that will now go to Angela instead of me.

8. My wife has never looked more radiant than when I see her holding my daughter. Have I mentioned how much I love my girls? I love my girls more than anything in the Solar System!

9. My baby’s head is too small for hats. Every time I try to put one on her it immediately drops over her eyes. On the plus side this has helped Angie to perfect her Donald impersonation from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids.

10. As much as I can’t wait to see the person Angie is going to become, I’m enjoying all of the little moments with her now as a baby. Here is Sarah and my’s parenting prayer from Psalm 101:2 (TLB): “I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should.”

What tips do you have for this two-week-old dad?

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…I just became a dad!!!

My wife and I adopted our very first child. We are excited beyond belief.

So no new posts on the blog this week. I’ll be back with new content starting next week.

Until then enjoy the Top 10 most viewed posts on the blog (s0 far):

1. The Secret to Powerful Communication
2. Kids’ Ministry Budgeting Templates & Tips
3. Why You Need to Say “No” More Often
4. 5 DOs and DONTs of Teaching Kids
5. Free Kidmin Volunteer Orientation Kit
6. Priorities of a Multi-Site Kidmin
7. REVIEW: “Read and Share Bible”
8. When You Feel Like Quitting Children’s Ministry
9. How to Write Emails that Your Team Will Actually Read
10. Why Your Volunteers are Miserable (and what to do about it)