Recently our team got back from a really good conference experience. The conference itself wasn’t so great, but some of the things we did before and afterwards helped us to have a good time and take away a few nuggets of wisdom. Here are a few tips to help make your next conference a good one, even if the speakers aren’t stellar:

Have a plan
Every great conference experience starts with a good plan. Spend time beforehand writing out who is going, the schedule (when and where to meet, have meals, etc.), whose driving, how much it’s going to cost, where the money is coming from, and print driving directions there and back. It’s also a good idea to have a couple of night options picked out so you and your team don’t lose time in figuring out something fun to when sessions are done.

Be yourself
At conferences it’s pretty easy to slip into spouting stats to impress. But when we relax, drop the act, and be ourselves is when we start to learn, connect, and have fun. The best conferences I’ve been to are the ones where I’m not “Jeff Mc Clung, Children’s Pastor” but where I’m just Jeff. Peter Bregman did a really great post on How to Attend a Conference as Yourself. Might be worth checking out before your next conference.

Go with friends
Never go to a conference alone. Ever. Always take someone (of the same gender) with you. It could be a key team member, the whole team, or someone you’ve been mentoring. Make sure it’s someone you get along with and who’ll benefit from the material that’s being presented.

Take notes
The last conference my team and I went to was a dud. But I still came away with a page of notes with good stats and a few quality ideas to implement. I got most of the useful content from only one speaker. But that’s OK. At least I got something.Even if most of the speakers stink (and they did) you can still find at least one nugget of useful content if you’re looking for it. Good note taking lets you sift through information well.

Pack light
Don’t take a lot of stuff with you. Most of the time the bare essentials will do. Only take what will fit into one suitcase (preferably that fits comfortably in the overhead compartment of a plan). For me this is pretty easy. I usually just take a backpack. This may be difficult for some but you’ll be glad you did.

Schedule fun
With tools like Yelp.com it’s super easy to find cool stuff to do nearby. Before the conference come up with a few ideas for your group to hang out and have fun after the day’s session. Don’t worry about brainstorming how you’ll apply what you learned (unless everyone’s dying to). Focus on having fun.

Schedule reflection
Set aside some time on your calendar for a few days after you get back to reflect on what you heard and consider how you’ll put it into action. I say a few days because you’ll want to get some rest, catch-up with family, and see what’s piled up while you were gone. Definitely make time within that first week to figure out what you’re going to do with what you learned.

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Talking to kids about sex is awkward. Talking to parents about talking to their kids about sex is even more awkward (or is it more awkwarder?). You want to help them do it well but sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. Just even googling sex (which sounds really wrong) can make you feel weird (and even get you in trouble at work). So what’s a leader to do? Here are a few ways you can help the parents at your church talk to their kids about sex:

Encourage having talks over the talk
When I was growing up “The Talk” was how parents talked to their kids about sex. It was definitely awkwarder. When we think of “The Talk” today it should be less of a one-time event and more of an ongoing dialogue. As parents get questions from their kids about sex they should be open and honest. Encourage parents to stop avoiding and start answering.

Promote age-appropriate sharing
What I love about “The Talks” approach over “The Talk” is that parents don’t have share everything they know in one sitting. They have years to share small, digestible pieces early and often. It moves the conversation from an all-you-can-eat buffet to an intimate and meaningful meal with someone you care about and trust. It’s less about passing on everything and more about sharing what’s appropriate in the moment.

Affirm what they’re doing right
As you talk to parents about how to have these kind of talks start off by affirming what you see they’re doing right. Most parents want to do a good job with their kids. Most only hear what they need to stop and start doing. This creates feelings of inadequacy that lead to frustration and overwhelm. Help parents see what’s going right (even if it’s small) before diving into what needs to change.

Recommend helpful resources
It’s always a good idea to recommend additional resources parents can follow-up with on their own. There are a lot of experts out there who know more than me and you. Let parents know who they are and where they can get their hands on quality materials and books. Some of my favorites are Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex, and True Love Waits.

Provide complementary programs and events
Depending on what you’re able to do you may want to think about how your church can use its programs and events to help. Maybe that’s a rites of passage event for 6th graders. Or a purity ceremony for 8th graders getting ready to enter high school. Or even a forum on sex and the internet for parents and teens. Whatever your church can provide will be hugely appreciated by the parents you minister to.

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Every Christian who has ever lived has struggled with seasons of not feeling close to God. All of us want to have meaningful encounters with God, yet there are times when it just doesn’t happen. It can be frustrating to say the least.

What I’m about to share isn’t a guaranteed formula for getting through to God. I don’t have His unlisted number. But what I can share with you are a few tips that have helped me in some of the dryer seasons of my friendship with Him.

Pick a time and place
Whenever I’m about to spend time with a friend, whether it’s over lunch, coffee, or a movie we always set a time and a place to meet. It’s something we can count on as a way to know we won’t miss each other in the pace of life. I think we need to apply that same principle with God. We need to carve out time in our days to have appointments with Him.

This doesn’t mean God gets only 30 minutes of your day and that’s it. Scripture teaches we should talk to God throughout our day. What it does mean is that you intentionally schedule time to spend extended, focused time with Him that’s more than a minute here or there when you can. It’s important to have those quiet moments to stop, be quiet, and make a connection too. But consistent and thoughtful times with God are vital to every Christian’s health.

Prepare the night before
Usually the most productive, meaningful, and less rushed days of my life don’t happen by accident. They typically happen when I make time the night before to get ready. Things as simple as making lunch, setting the alarm, ironing clothes, reviewing the calendar, and getting my supplies ready tend to make or break my day. If I don’t do these things beforehand I find I’m stressed and running around all day. When I do them I notice I have more space in my day for what I need and want to get done. The same is true with our appointments with God.

Have a reading plan
Not every time with God fits into the box of Bible reading, journaling, and prayer. But there is something to spending time with God in these ways. A good way to start is by picking a plan to help you read through the Bible. YouVersion.com has several custom plans. LifeJournal.cc has a neat one that takes you through the Bible in a year. There’s also hundreds of books for every stage and walk of life.

Your problem won’t be finding one. It’ll be choosing one. Don’t let analysis lead to paralysis. Choose one and go with it. If it doesn’t work, pick another. Eventually you will find one that’s right for you.

Have a recording plan
I like to write, so I’m a little biased here. There’s something to the practice of putting into words what’s on your mind that’s always been really helpful to me. Like the plethora of devotional plans, there’s just as many ways to record what you’re learning. The SOAP Method and Rick Warren’s Bible Study Method are two of my favorites. I like to record what I’ve learned in the Day One app on my iPad but a moleskin is just as good if you’re a more tactile person.

Whatever you decide, even if it’s just a tweet-sized sentence, or a verse that really stood out to you, write down what you learn.

Keep it in front of you
Take the sentence from your journal or that key verse and put it somewhere you’ll see throughout the idea. Maybe it’s on a postcard. Maybe it’s on the wallpaper of your computer or smart phone. It doesn’t really matter. Just have it with you throughout the day. Pause for 1 minute each hour and reflect on what God wants to say to you through it.

Having a meaningful quiet time is something all disciples want to do. But sometimes it’s hard in our loud world. And even when you follow these tips it may not always happen, but you’ll be more likely to having meaningful experiences with God when you plan and prepare for them

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If a leader is successful it’s because a lot of people want them to be. Nobody can do it alone.

That’s doesn’t mean they’re the most popular or more people like them that don’t like them. Most of the time the opposite is true. But any leader whose lasted over the long haul and has grown their ministry has done so because of three groups of people.

For your ministry or organization to grow to the next level you need backing from these three groups of people:

Your Boss
Every leader has a lid. Sometimes it’s a blind spot they won’t address. Other times it’s a lack of resources or information. Whatever that lid is your boss is a part of it.

You may have a great boss and the lid for you is like the ceiling of a cathedral. Or you work for the real Michael Scott and your lid is about as high as a Play School playhouse for three-year-olds. Whoever it is, if you’re going to thrive (not just survive), you’ve got to have a good relationship with them. You’ve got to be reading off the same page and moving in the same direction together. If that can’t happen then it may be time for you to leave.

Your Team
Batman had Robin, the Lone Ranger had Tonto, and Superman…well, he worked alone, but he had superpowers so he doesn’t really count. If you’ve got super powers you can skip this part. But if you don’t then you’ve got to build a team who compliments your weaknesses. If you’re all strong in the same areas then there’s a lot that’s not going to get done. Building a cohesive leadership team has to be every leader’s #1 priority.

Your Personal Board of Directors
Separate from your team, your personal board of directors are the people you go to when you need advice. Trusted mentors, leaders who are further down the road then you are who you want here. It’s not a formal gathering like the Super Friends (chances are they won’t want to dawn capes and wear their underwear outside their pants; if they do that should be an automatic deal breaker). More of people you can go to when you need advice or problems.

Enlisting support for yourself can feel self-serving and egotistical. It’s not, so long as what you need the support for is to do meaningful work that helps others. When you want that, when you go after that, you’d be surprised just how many people around you will want to help.

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Sometimes our biggest problems need just the smallest change in our perspective.

Last week, as I pulled into the garage from work, I walked into our house using the door that connects our kitchen to the garage. As I came in I heard a pretty loud squeak from the door. Like the kind you hear from a dozen or so mice be decapitated simultaneously, as part of some sort of mass rodent execution initiative enacted by Terminex. It was that bad.

I set my stuff down and went to oil the fire closure attached to the door. We’ve had problems with it before and usually spraying some WD40 on it usually does the trick.

I must have sprayed half the can on that thing and it didn’t do any good. After a while the door looked the Nesquick Bunny had been projectile crying YooHoo flavored tears all over the place. It was a mess.

Being the DIY genius I am not, it took me a while to realize what the problem was (besides taking a fire hose approach to trouble-shooting a squeaking door). The problem wasn’t the fire closure. It was the hinges.

After the Homer-sized “Doh!” stopped ringing in my ears I WD40ed the squeak right out of those hinges and realized. Later this important truth came to light:

A lot of times our problem solving isn’t actually problem solving. It’s more treating the symptoms without addressing what caused the real problem in the first place.

Last year when I tried to lose weight I thought all I had to do was stop eating so much. The problem with that was it didn’t address the issue of WHY I was eating so much. When I realized the why I was able to lose 65lbs and keep it off. How? By addressing the real problem, not just the surface issue.

Go deeper. Ask yourself what need your trying to meet by downing that bag of funyons. Pause and reflect what it is about that one guy at work you just can’t stand and allow yourself to see maybe it’s not him you hate so much as it is what he reminds you about you that you don’t like. Consider that maybe you don’t need a new job to be happy, just something fun to focus on at the one you’ve already got.

The next time you’re having a problem solving a problem make sure you’re addressing the root of the real problem and not the surface of a fake one.

It’s always harder, to be sure. But it is always work it.

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In my last post I talked about the first three reasons why you need to blog. Here are the other three:

4. Blogging is a great way to connect with like-minded people
Blogging is another form of social media. When social media works right it is a tool to help one human being connect with another. I’ve met some really great people because of this blog. And I hope to meet many more. I’ve helped a few of them, and some of them have helped me. It’s a great experience. We all want to connect. It’s a drive sown into the threads of our inner being. Blogging is one way to help bring us together in ways that might not otherwise be possible.

5. The discipline of writing will make you a better writer
Looking at my first few posts helped me to really appreciate how far I’ve come as a writer. I’m no William Shakespeare (my lab partner in Marine Biology junior year, not the other guy) but I do alright. I’m getting better and better all the time. Blogging is a big part of that.

6. Putting your ideas in writing clarifies what you do
Writing, by its very nature, promotes clarity. Some of the best ideas I’ve ever had have been refined and perfected on this blog. As they pour from my brain to my fingertips, to the keyboard they get shaped into something even better than had they stayed in my head. Even if there weren’t another living should who benefited from my experience of exposition here, I have. And sometimes, that’s enough.

If you’d like to test the waters of blogging I’d love to help. I’m always open to accepting guest post right here. Click here for more info.

Even if you don’t decide to start a blog, that’s OK. I hope you’ll find some avenue to get your ideas out there to people who need and want to hear them. They are out there. And it’s easier than ever to find them.

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A few week’s ago I got an advance copy of The Eric Trap: 5 Things Every Leader Has to Get Right. It’s a collective work written by some of my favorite guys in ministry right now. I was eager to get a sneak peek and find out if the book was as good as I hoped it would be. Here’s a snapshot of what I found.

What I Liked

The premise of the book is solid. It tells the story of Eric Newman, a Kids’ Pastor in a middle-sized church whose leadership has come to a head. During the course of his journey (a la Patrick Lencioni) he (and we) learn the 5 things every leader has to get right. Interlaced throughout the fable is commentary and testimony from other Kidmin pastors who share how these principles have played out in their ministries.

I’m into the whole using-a-fable-to-illustrate-important-truths thing. It seems to be very en vogue right now (not to be confused with the ’90s R & B group) in the best possible way. I love someone has FINALLY done this for Children’s Ministry. The 5 things outlined in the book (delegation, leadership under authority, active parental involvement, measuring success, and ordering your priorities) are transferable to other areas of leadership, be it in the church or some other organization.

What I Wish Was Different

There wasn’t too much I didn’t like about this book. I think it would have been better organized and more helpful had it been split into two sections: one dealing solely with the fable; the other dealing with the extraction of the principles and testimonies from other Kidmin Leaders in the trenches.

The only other thing I would change would be to make this available in digital formats like Kindle and iBook.

Overall Impressions

If you’re a guy or gal whose wanting to lead at a healthier, stronger, and more sustainable pace then I’d say go to Amazon.com and order The Eric Trap Today. Doesn’t matter if you’re in Children’s Ministry or not. Doesn’t matter if you even like kids or not. If you’re a leader who wants to be worth following then there’s something in this book for you.

How to Win a Free Copy

I’ve got two free copies of The Eric Trap I’m giving away this week. Here’s how to win one:

1. Tweet the following: @JeffMcClung is giving away a free copy of “The Eric Trap” here: http://wp.me/pUu38-1qn #kidmin #cmconnect #fammin

2. Leave a comment on this post with your favorite breakfast cereal and why you love it.

That’s it. The contest goes from now till Friday, April 27, 2012. On Saturday the 28th I’ll announce a winner here on the blog.

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I’ve been blogging for almost 2 years now and, while I don’t have a Justin Bieber-sized following (more like his second cousin, twice removed on his mother’s side, Esteban Bieber) it’s been a pretty cool thing.

Going in to it I was pretty nervous. Nervous my writing wouldn’t be good enough. Worried nobody would read it. Worried I’d run out of things to say after the first three posts I had already pre-written. But here we are, almost two years later.

So blogging’s been good for me but why should you, or anyone else for that matter, blog? Here’s 6 reasons why we, the occupants of the interweb, need YOU to blog:

1. Everyone is a 10 in some area
Don’t laugh at that. It’s true! Regardless of what you’re not good at, I can say without a doubt (having never even met) I KNOW you are a 10 in a least 1 area of your life. It may seem frivolous to some but it’s not. It’s important and has value. And we need you to share it with us. We, the collective participants of the human race, need what you have to offer. There is a pocket of our collective being that can benefit from what you have to offer, if only you will make the time to give.

2. You have something to share
Besides what you’re good at, you also have unique experiences and insights people need to hear. You’ve seen things I’ll never be able to see. You’ve done things I may never have the opportunity to do. And you’ve seen and done them all with your unique personality and history. You’re life experience add to the substance of the grander human design. You help us see what we otherwise might have missed and need to see.

3. You know something I don’t
Through your experiences, using your particular outlook and set of skills, you’ve learned. Oh sure, we all have useless stuff in our head’s like how much a stamp costs, why radio shack asks for your phone number when you buy a set of batteries, and how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie pop (3). But you also have other factoids just floating around, waiting to be applied. Somebody out there needs to know what you know.

I’ll share the other three reasons in my next post. Stay tuned!

They are out there. And it’s easier than ever to find them.

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¹ David mustered the men who were with him and appointed over them commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds. ² David sent out his troops, a third under the command of Joab, a third under Joab’s brother Abishai son of Zeruiah, and a third under Ittai the Gittite. The king told the troops, “I myself will surely march out with you.”

³ But the men said, “You must not go out; if we are forced to flee, they won’t care about us. Even if half of us die, they won’t care; but you are worth ten thousand of us. It would be better now for you to give us support from the city.”

⁴ The king answered, “I will do whatever seems best to you.”

So the king stood beside the gate while all his men marched out in units of hundreds and of thousands. – 2 Samuel 18:1-4 (NIV)

The kind of leaders worth following know when to give advice and when to follow it. They know when to make a decision and when to let someone else make it.

You can’t be good at everything, but you can find lots of skilled people. Together you can do work that matters, the stuff of legend, if you can learn when to lead and when to let THEM lead.

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