Flannel graph died around the same time that everyone found out that Milli Vanilli was lip-synching to all of their songs. If you’re too young to remember who they were, then my point is already made. And yet many in today’s Children’s Ministry are still using it. Maybe you are one of them. I care too much to let you go down that road. Please, I beg of you, let me help.

If I were to write a hypothetical flannel graph intervention letter (try saying that three times fast) it might look something like this:

Dear Hobart,

Before I begin to say anything, I want you to know that I love you. I’m here today not only because I love you, but also because I’m very concerned about you. I’m concerned about what I have seen happen as direct result of using flannel graph. What I’m asking now is for you to listen to me. Listen carefully to what I’m going to say. It may be painful to hear but it is from the bottom of my heart.

Flannel graph is dead. Like your cassettes of Psalty the talking Bible and your VHS tapes of “McGee and Me,” Flannel Graph is gone and it is never coming back. It’s time that you let go and let your ministry move into the 21st Century, or at least the 1990′s for crying out loud!

Last week I went to use your Bible because the one on my iPhone wouldn’t load (stinking AT&T) and do you know what I found? A flannel graph of Noah’s Ark, complete with two-by-twos of several animals and a rainbow. When did you start using the hard stuff Hobart?

The sixth graders are embarrassed to bring their friends to church because of you. They don’t want to come anymore because you are boring them. They can’t relate to anything you are saying because it’s like you’re speaking another language whenever you use flannel graph. What’s next? Papa Smurf dolls, Fat Albert jokes, and clips from “Full House?” They don’t want you to come to any of their baseball games either because they’re afraid you’re going to show up with a Jesus puppet and a pair of Steve Urkel suspenders.

The Family Pastor and I have talked and prayed about it. We can’t let the kids be around you when you’re using flannel graph, which is all of the time now. I know this will be very hard on you but we’ve had to make our decision. Now, Hobart, will you make your decision to accept help? Your flannel graph addiction doesn’t have to go on any longer, but it is your choice. We love you and we want you back.

If you, or someone you know, is struggling with addiction to Flannel Graph, or Flannel Graph paraphernalia, please don’t stand idly by. Get help today.

What do you need to stop doing/using in your ministry in order to be more successful?

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