Saying no to people has always been hard for me.
Even when I was a kid I couldn’t say no. Oh sure I said no to the big stuff like drugs, premarital sex, and kicking kittens for the fun of it. That was easy. These are all things that were socially acceptable to say no to, at least in the Christian subculture that I grew up in. It’s the less “after school special” stuff that I struggle to say no to but that can be just as damaging.
As a teenager I had a part-time job, volunteered at church and a hospital (please don’t call me a candy striper, I never got candy and I have never seen stripes on candy except on candy canes and I hate those), was involved in the student body council, was on the honor roll, and took all the AP classes and tests that I could gobble up. This looks great when you’re applying to college but it was eating me up on the inside. There were many nights that I didn’t get home from school till 9pm, would stay up till 2am doing homework, then get up at 5am to have a quiet time, rinse, and repeat the cycle again. Needless to say I was exhausted. It got so bad that I lost 30 pounds in two months and was falling asleep in all of my classes. I was a walking zombie.
Things got a little better in college but not much. By that time I was an intern at my church and running errands for everyone and their mom. I remember one day bending over backwards to get something fixed for one of our volunteer leaders. I thought he would appreciate my efforts on his behalf. I was wrong.
I’ll never forget running upstairs to let him know that he had gotten everything that he wanted and if he needed anything else to just let me know and I would take care of it for him. He said, “I could care less. Where’s my coffee?” My heart sank right into my stomach. He could have smacked me in the face with a two by four and it would have hurt less.
That day I learned two lessons:
- Grumpy old people REALLY like their coffee.
- Saying yes to everything may be hazardous to my health.
Since then I’ve become better at saying no. Here’s the thing to keep in mind: Don’t just say no, say yes to something more important. I’m not saying no because I’m a jerk, have become jaded by the church, or am a prima donna. Whenever I say no to something it’s because I’ve already said yes to something more important. That’s the secret that had eluded me for so much of my life up to that point.
So this week think about what you’re saying yes to:
- Is saying yes to that appointment REALLY worth missing dinner with my family?
- Is saying yes to that HUGE summer event for kids REALLY worth not putting time into a program that will get families together in the same room throughout the year?
- Is saying yes to that midweek program REALLY worth the extra time, staff, and money it’ll cost or should we just focus on making the weekend that much better?
- Is saying yes to that speaking engagement REALLY worth the time I’m away from the office?
- Is saying yes to that late night show REALLY worth missing time with God in the morning?
- Is saying yes to ______________ REALLY worth _________________?
What do you need to say no to this week so that you can say yes to something more important?
–Jeff
