How to Get The Most Out of Your Next Conference Experience

Recently our team got back from a really good conference experience. The conference itself wasn’t so great, but some of the things we did before and afterwards helped us to have a good time and take away a few nuggets of wisdom. Here are a few tips to help make your next conference a good one, even if the speakers aren’t stellar:

Have a plan
Every great conference experience starts with a good plan. Spend time beforehand writing out who is going, the schedule (when and where to meet, have meals, etc.), whose driving, how much it’s going to cost, where the money is coming from, and print driving directions there and back. It’s also a good idea to have a couple of night options picked out so you and your team don’t lose time in figuring out something fun to when sessions are done.

Be yourself
At conferences it’s pretty easy to slip into spouting stats to impress. But when we relax, drop the act, and be ourselves is when we start to learn, connect, and have fun. The best conferences I’ve been to are the ones where I’m not “Jeff Mc Clung, Children’s Pastor” but where I’m just Jeff. Peter Bregman did a really great post on How to Attend a Conference as Yourself. Might be worth checking out before your next conference.

Go with friends
Never go to a conference alone. Ever. Always take someone (of the same gender) with you. It could be a key team member, the whole team, or someone you’ve been mentoring. Make sure it’s someone you get along with and who’ll benefit from the material that’s being presented.

Take notes
The last conference my team and I went to was a dud. But I still came away with a page of notes with good stats and a few quality ideas to implement. I got most of the useful content from only one speaker. But that’s OK. At least I got something.Even if most of the speakers stink (and they did) you can still find at least one nugget of useful content if you’re looking for it. Good note taking lets you sift through information well.

Pack light
Don’t take a lot of stuff with you. Most of the time the bare essentials will do. Only take what will fit into one suitcase (preferably that fits comfortably in the overhead compartment of a plan). For me this is pretty easy. I usually just take a backpack. This may be difficult for some but you’ll be glad you did.

Schedule fun
With tools like Yelp.com it’s super easy to find cool stuff to do nearby. Before the conference come up with a few ideas for your group to hang out and have fun after the day’s session. Don’t worry about brainstorming how you’ll apply what you learned (unless everyone’s dying to). Focus on having fun.

Schedule reflection
Set aside some time on your calendar for a few days after you get back to reflect on what you heard and consider how you’ll put it into action. I say a few days because you’ll want to get some rest, catch-up with family, and see what’s piled up while you were gone. Definitely make time within that first week to figure out what you’re going to do with what you learned.

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How to Help Parents Talk to Their Kids About Sex

Talking to kids about sex is awkward. Talking to parents about talking to their kids about sex is even more awkward (or is it more awkwarder?). You want to help them do it well but sometimes it’s hard to know where to start. Just even googling sex (which sounds really wrong) can make you feel weird (and even get you in trouble at work). So what’s a leader to do? Here are a few ways you can help the parents at your church talk to their kids about sex:

Encourage having talks over the talk
When I was growing up “The Talk” was how parents talked to their kids about sex. It was definitely awkwarder. When we think of “The Talk” today it should be less of a one-time event and more of an ongoing dialogue. As parents get questions from their kids about sex they should be open and honest. Encourage parents to stop avoiding and start answering.

Promote age-appropriate sharing
What I love about “The Talks” approach over “The Talk” is that parents don’t have share everything they know in one sitting. They have years to share small, digestible pieces early and often. It moves the conversation from an all-you-can-eat buffet to an intimate and meaningful meal with someone you care about and trust. It’s less about passing on everything and more about sharing what’s appropriate in the moment.

Affirm what they’re doing right
As you talk to parents about how to have these kind of talks start off by affirming what you see they’re doing right. Most parents want to do a good job with their kids. Most only hear what they need to stop and start doing. This creates feelings of inadequacy that lead to frustration and overwhelm. Help parents see what’s going right (even if it’s small) before diving into what needs to change.

Recommend helpful resources
It’s always a good idea to recommend additional resources parents can follow-up with on their own. There are a lot of experts out there who know more than me and you. Let parents know who they are and where they can get their hands on quality materials and books. Some of my favorites are Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality, What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex, and True Love Waits.

Provide complementary programs and events
Depending on what you’re able to do you may want to think about how your church can use its programs and events to help. Maybe that’s a rites of passage event for 6th graders. Or a purity ceremony for 8th graders getting ready to enter high school. Or even a forum on sex and the internet for parents and teens. Whatever your church can provide will be hugely appreciated by the parents you minister to.

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How to Have a Meaningful Quiet Time

Every Christian who has ever lived has struggled with seasons of not feeling close to God. All of us want to have meaningful encounters with God, yet there are times when it just doesn’t happen. It can be frustrating to say the least.

What I’m about to share isn’t a guaranteed formula for getting through to God. I don’t have His unlisted number. But what I can share with you are a few tips that have helped me in some of the dryer seasons of my friendship with Him.

Pick a time and place
Whenever I’m about to spend time with a friend, whether it’s over lunch, coffee, or a movie we always set a time and a place to meet. It’s something we can count on as a way to know we won’t miss each other in the pace of life. I think we need to apply that same principle with God. We need to carve out time in our days to have appointments with Him.

This doesn’t mean God gets only 30 minutes of your day and that’s it. Scripture teaches we should talk to God throughout our day. What it does mean is that you intentionally schedule time to spend extended, focused time with Him that’s more than a minute here or there when you can. It’s important to have those quiet moments to stop, be quiet, and make a connection too. But consistent and thoughtful times with God are vital to every Christian’s health.

Prepare the night before
Usually the most productive, meaningful, and less rushed days of my life don’t happen by accident. They typically happen when I make time the night before to get ready. Things as simple as making lunch, setting the alarm, ironing clothes, reviewing the calendar, and getting my supplies ready tend to make or break my day. If I don’t do these things beforehand I find I’m stressed and running around all day. When I do them I notice I have more space in my day for what I need and want to get done. The same is true with our appointments with God.

Have a reading plan
Not every time with God fits into the box of Bible reading, journaling, and prayer. But there is something to spending time with God in these ways. A good way to start is by picking a plan to help you read through the Bible. YouVersion.com has several custom plans. LifeJournal.cc has a neat one that takes you through the Bible in a year. There’s also hundreds of books for every stage and walk of life.

Your problem won’t be finding one. It’ll be choosing one. Don’t let analysis lead to paralysis. Choose one and go with it. If it doesn’t work, pick another. Eventually you will find one that’s right for you.

Have a recording plan
I like to write, so I’m a little biased here. There’s something to the practice of putting into words what’s on your mind that’s always been really helpful to me. Like the plethora of devotional plans, there’s just as many ways to record what you’re learning. The SOAP Method and Rick Warren’s Bible Study Method are two of my favorites. I like to record what I’ve learned in the Day One app on my iPad but a moleskin is just as good if you’re a more tactile person.

Whatever you decide, even if it’s just a tweet-sized sentence, or a verse that really stood out to you, write down what you learn.

Keep it in front of you
Take the sentence from your journal or that key verse and put it somewhere you’ll see throughout the idea. Maybe it’s on a postcard. Maybe it’s on the wallpaper of your computer or smart phone. It doesn’t really matter. Just have it with you throughout the day. Pause for 1 minute each hour and reflect on what God wants to say to you through it.

Having a meaningful quiet time is something all disciples want to do. But sometimes it’s hard in our loud world. And even when you follow these tips it may not always happen, but you’ll be more likely to having meaningful experiences with God when you plan and prepare for them

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Every Leader Needs Support From These Three Groups

If a leader is successful it’s because a lot of people want them to be. Nobody can do it alone.

That’s doesn’t mean they’re the most popular or more people like them that don’t like them. Most of the time the opposite is true. But any leader whose lasted over the long haul and has grown their ministry has done so because of three groups of people.

For your ministry or organization to grow to the next level you need backing from these three groups of people:

Your Boss
Every leader has a lid. Sometimes it’s a blind spot they won’t address. Other times it’s a lack of resources or information. Whatever that lid is your boss is a part of it.

You may have a great boss and the lid for you is like the ceiling of a cathedral. Or you work for the real Michael Scott and your lid is about as high as a Play School playhouse for three-year-olds. Whoever it is, if you’re going to thrive (not just survive), you’ve got to have a good relationship with them. You’ve got to be reading off the same page and moving in the same direction together. If that can’t happen then it may be time for you to leave.

Your Team
Batman had Robin, the Lone Ranger had Tonto, and Superman…well, he worked alone, but he had superpowers so he doesn’t really count. If you’ve got super powers you can skip this part. But if you don’t then you’ve got to build a team who compliments your weaknesses. If you’re all strong in the same areas then there’s a lot that’s not going to get done. Building a cohesive leadership team has to be every leader’s #1 priority.

Your Personal Board of Directors
Separate from your team, your personal board of directors are the people you go to when you need advice. Trusted mentors, leaders who are further down the road then you are who you want here. It’s not a formal gathering like the Super Friends (chances are they won’t want to dawn capes and wear their underwear outside their pants; if they do that should be an automatic deal breaker). More of people you can go to when you need advice or problems.

Enlisting support for yourself can feel self-serving and egotistical. It’s not, so long as what you need the support for is to do meaningful work that helps others. When you want that, when you go after that, you’d be surprised just how many people around you will want to help.

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The Problem Might Be Your Addressing The Wrong Problem

Sometimes our biggest problems need just the smallest change in our perspective.

Last week, as I pulled into the garage from work, I walked into our house using the door that connects our kitchen to the garage. As I came in I heard a pretty loud squeak from the door. Like the kind you hear from a dozen or so mice be decapitated simultaneously, as part of some sort of mass rodent execution initiative enacted by Terminex. It was that bad.

I set my stuff down and went to oil the fire closure attached to the door. We’ve had problems with it before and usually spraying some WD40 on it usually does the trick.

I must have sprayed half the can on that thing and it didn’t do any good. After a while the door looked the Nesquick Bunny had been projectile crying YooHoo flavored tears all over the place. It was a mess.

Being the DIY genius I am not, it took me a while to realize what the problem was (besides taking a fire hose approach to trouble-shooting a squeaking door). The problem wasn’t the fire closure. It was the hinges.

After the Homer-sized “Doh!” stopped ringing in my ears I WD40ed the squeak right out of those hinges and realized. Later this important truth came to light:

A lot of times our problem solving isn’t actually problem solving. It’s more treating the symptoms without addressing what caused the real problem in the first place.

Last year when I tried to lose weight I thought all I had to do was stop eating so much. The problem with that was it didn’t address the issue of WHY I was eating so much. When I realized the why I was able to lose 65lbs and keep it off. How? By addressing the real problem, not just the surface issue.

Go deeper. Ask yourself what need your trying to meet by downing that bag of funyons. Pause and reflect what it is about that one guy at work you just can’t stand and allow yourself to see maybe it’s not him you hate so much as it is what he reminds you about you that you don’t like. Consider that maybe you don’t need a new job to be happy, just something fun to focus on at the one you’ve already got.

The next time you’re having a problem solving a problem make sure you’re addressing the root of the real problem and not the surface of a fake one.

It’s always harder, to be sure. But it is always work it.

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